You've got mail
by tsttoain
Summary: Soldier Beck Oliver decides to email a stranger he met on his last day of leave. The email he receives in response entails question about lost limbs and spirit fumes. Good thing he thinks normal is boring, right? Entry for Mad's au challenge.


**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing, not even the AU idea**

**AN: **** This is a fic for Mad's AU challenge. The prompt was "online friends au: basically the two characters meet online and start dating but have never met in real life. you can have them meet in the end or not". So I hope I managed to fit this prompt and that you like it. Thank you to Mad for coming up with this challenge, to Khay for giving me the idea and always encouraging me, and to Bria for answering my questions, reading it over and telling me to write. **

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Sighing he let the mouse hover over the send button. To send or not to send that was the question.

It was an inane idea, really, he didn't even know the girl, she had just randomly pushed a card with her info on it in his hand ("I'm hot and you're hot so message me!") on his last day of leave.

He really wanted someone he could talk to though, and not about how their assignment was going and what they would do once they got home. His parents weren't really an option since they hadn't talked to him since he had decided to enlist ("No son of ours is going to risk his life in some desert as if that's his only way to get money").

So, deciding that he probably wouldn't get an answer anyway, he hit send.

To his astonishment the next time he checked his emails, he didn't have the hoped for answer from "thehotandtalentedvega" but one from someone called "scissorluv".

At first he thought it might be some strange advertisement, but the name also read Jade West and the subject said "If you don't read this I hope you run in front of a bus!" which was slightly scary but not very advertise-y. His curiosity winning him over, he opened the mail.

It didn't get less weird.

_Hello Beck._

_Don't worry, I'm not some stalker that is now trying to lure you someplace so he can murder you. Wouldn't that be really cool though? _

_Anyway I got your email from my not-friend's sister Trina, remember you send her an email, or is that some kind of ploy you have to get women? _

_She got all sad when she read you where a soldier (it was really funny), because now you risk losing a limb and that would be a tragedy because she can't be seen with people who lost their limbs._

_ Now I on the other hand am quite fascinated._

_ Did you lose a limb? Or do you know someone who did? Was there a lot of blood? Did it hurt? The good kind or the bad kind? Also are you in battle right now? Because I read that spirits linger for 24 hours after a persons deaths so you could breathe in their fumes. Isn't that cool? And could you send me some spirit infused air? _

_If you answer my questions I might hate you less than I do now_

_Jade _

It was the strangest email he had ever gotten, and he had gotten some strange emails over the time.

But it was stranger than the ones his old teacher Sikowitz, who got high off coconut milk, used to send him or those of his friend Robbie when he was in an argument with his puppet Rex.

He was very intrigued though, and because this topic off conversation was different to those he had every day at least, which was why he had written the email in the first place he decided to answer.

**Hey Jade :)**

**No, this definitely not some ploy to get women, as I said in the email to your friend Trina, I just want someone to talk to who isn't a soldier. **

**Unfortunately (at least for you) I still have all my limbs and I don't know anybody who lost his so I can't answer your questions regarding that topic. (What is the good kind of pain though?)**

**I never heard about spirits lingering on before, but it sounds like an interesting idea. I'll try to get some infused air for you at the next possibility if you continue to write to me. **

**Maybe you could tell me more about yourself too? It doesn't even have to be anything personal, like where you from. How about things you like or don't?**

**I'm sorry I couldn't answer most of your questions, but I still hope you hate me less than you did before (what did I do to deserve hate in the first place?)**

**Sincere regards**

**Beck **

Over the next emails he learned that Jade didn't like many things besides scissors, coffee and the color black but hated a very heavy amount of things.

She was from LA and currently made her money by writing plays.

He also found that he immensely enjoyed their conversations via email. She may be unpredictable and unorthodox, but she made him laugh and he always thought that easy and normal was rather boring.

André, his best friend here, who he had met on his first day, thought she was scary and/or kinky when she send him a set of black scissors decorated by her to bring him luck and to cut things up, which according to her was one of her favorite pastimes.

His other buddies here thought he was crazy for talking to a girl of whom he didn't even know what she looked like, because they had decided it was better not to know. Not that he wasn't curious though.

He noticed he missed her more than he should, when he and his division were caught up in some trouble for longer than planned and he couldn't access the internet for longer than normal.

The emails in his inbox reading among others "You better not be dead, you idiot" and "If you're dead at least have the decency to tell me" made him think that he wasn't alone in this development.

Three months and some emails later he had officially served his time and was standing in front of the door of a huge mansion surrounded by an electronic fence with a coffee (black, two sugars) and a bouquet of dying flowers.

He had gotten the address after some stalking on Trina's site on a website called the slap and a talk to her very friendly sister Tori (who was Jade's not-friend, according to Jade and Jade's very good friend according to Tori).

Taking a last long breath, he checked his phone again and then clicked send on the text displayed on it, reading **open your door**.

(Even though he had decided that it didn't matter what she looked like, he was a bit relieved when the door was opened by the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She also only laughed a little bit about his buzz cut too, which was one thing he definitely wouldn't miss about the army.)

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** Please review :) **


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